Life is Too Short
By: Nicole Lyon
We have all lost someone in our lives. We all experience loss in different forms and it affects us in various ways. We all handle our grief about loss differently but one beautiful aspect that comes with death is the impact and legacy left behind. Grief is not gender specific but here are four female perspectives on loss and the impact left on them.
My story — Nicole Lyon — 21, Bay Area, CA
For me, I began to notice loss of loved ones and the feeling of grief and sadness that follows loss when I was in the 6th grade. Both of my mother’s parents were diagnosed with various cancers and passed away just one month apart. Then, my freshman year of high school, my father’s mom passed away from Alzheimer’s. I still remember walking in the door to be told by my aunt that my grandma had just passed away but her body was still warm.
Grief for me was the idea that my family, the people who loved me the most were gone. Just gone. I think of them every day. I wear my grandma’s necklace every day since I received it. It helps me remember them and that we are all loved by someone and that the love is still there regardless of them physically being there with us.
This past fall, a friend of mine Lav, lost a part of himself and committed suicide; a person I thought to be a happy and cheerful goofy guy. But everyone has a story, we never know what is going on under the surface at a particular moment in time. Whether it is grief of losing yourself or a loved one we all feel it. Lav gives me the courage to live my life fuller and goofier and to stand tall with a smile.
Natasha Freudmann — 21, Portland, OR
Natasha lost her mom, Gloria Kelman, to the battle of cancer at the age of 9. She was left with her father Gilbert and sister Sarina. Three weeks after the two-year anniversary of Gloria’s death, Gilbert met Taylor and within two years they were married. Taylor has two daughters of her own, both Sarina and Natasha are very close with them.
For Natasha, her life wasn’t a fairytale, yet she felt like Cinderella. Natasha was shipped off to boarding school in Ojai, California for high school because she felt that Taylor was threatened by Natasha’s being and had a great deal of dismay towards her. Natasha was then kicked out of the house at the age of 14, meaning she no longer had a place to come home to during school breaks. But for Natasha, “boarding school was better than being home.”
Fortunately, Gilbert and Taylor’s house was two doors down from Gloria’s best friends, Jo and Mark. Jo and Mark took Natasha in and built her a room of her own . “They are family” Natasha said. They supported Natasha in ways she felt Gilbert never did. As time went on, Gilbert’s treatment of Natasha and their relationship continued to worsen. Natasha currently does not speak with Gilbert after he cut her off at the start of 2020 and it was completely his choice.
Natasha’s Mother’s profession was always artistic. She mainly focused on making jewelry, but her talent allowed her to do most anything creative well.
“Four words I would use to describe my mom would be artistic, positive, stubborn and full of life.” In Natasha’s eyes, her mom’s stubbornness came from refusing to accept the idea of death and not admitting her illness.
Gloria believed in positivity, “at dinner or bedtime she would always want me and Sarina to share three positive things and look back on our day. She was going through a lot of not fun stuff and always tried to see the positive in it. I wish she knew how good of person I am and how good of a person Sarina is… I am very proud of who I am, and everything I’ve done and how strong of a person I am and I wish she could see that and I also wish she could see everything Sarina has done because we have both done a lot of cool things.”
For Natasha, one of her fondest memories with her mom growing up was working on jewelry. No matter how many times her family moved when they were younger, her mom always had a home office for her all her artistic work and projects.
Natasha keeps some of her mom’s art up around her room as well as wearing the jewelry she made. “I represent her in the way I dress and wear jewelry. She inspired my style whether conscious or subconsciously. She gave birth to me, so that’s pretty cool! She was really cool, so talented and I looked up to her a lot as a kid. Who she was has helped form who I am and who I want to be!”
Danielle Norris — 22, Bay Area, CA
In 2018, Mike Batlin, Scott Norris’ (Danielle’s dad’s) best friend and second father figure to Danielle, passed away from a massive heart attack. Mike’s daughter Katie is like a sister to Danielle and Scott became a second dad to her. After Mike passed, Katie and Danielle got matching tattoos with the coordinates of Blue Lakes where the families had a shared campsite and would vacation at together in the summers. “The three words I would use to describe Mike are: intimidating, loving and hilarious.” Danielle explained how Mike would try to scare off any new boys the girls brought around due to his loving protectiveness for them.
The legacy he left behind was ‘never met a stranger’ it’s his phrase that best fits him Danielle said. “Everywhere we would go he would know somebody, and they would randomly be like, ‘Oh hey Mike’ and we would be like who is that, how do you know these people. He just knew everybody — everybody loved him and if they weren’t loved by him they wanted to be loved by him, he was just such a great guy.” All of Danielle’s best memories of Mike included him encouraging her to do something bold and she tries to continue being bold for him.
“From the time he first got sick, until the time he died, I learned how to appreciate family much more, he really showed me your family is your everything and without them you wouldn’t be who you are.”
Bella Hanlon — 21, Redlands, CA
At 15, Bella felt she was a reckless, artificial and insecure high schooler. When the cyberbullying over a hookup with a boy kicked off, she cut herself for the first time. Cutting became her release for feeling the pain she was enduring. The carry-over from a hard childhood relationship with her father and then stepmother, left her feeling troubled and lost.
On September 24, 2015, Bella first attempted suicide. “I remember it was 2am and I couldn’t sleep, I decided then to write the note for everyone and swallowed a bottle of pills. I remember feeling getting lightheaded and feeling my head melt into the pillow. When I woke up in the morning, I was PISSED, I was so angry I was still here. I still had to go to school, I still had to be the artificial person I felt people accepted”
She told her friends at school the next day who took her to a counselor for support. Bella went home and took a nap only to awake to her mom sitting on the edge of her bed, crying after hearing what Bella tried to do that previous night. “I still remember my mom saying, ‘I can’t keep you safe anymore,’ and this was when she told me I had to give up some extracurriculars or go off to a behavioral center.” She agreed to being admitted and graduated her partial and intensive care programs.
Now, Bella would describe herself as spontaneous, in control, and being her most genuine self. Gratitude journaling and poetry are good outlets for Bella. She finds that thinking of positive things in her day or life at the moment is a helpful way to re-center her mind. One topic frequently featured in her journal was dance. “Dance saved my life, it was my only solid motivation.” She still dances to this day, and it will always be a therapeutic activity for her that includes happiness.
Handling Grief
Everyone experiences loss in different ways, which means we all handle our grief differently. Here is a resource explaining the stages of grief and some ways to handle the ways you’re feeling.
WebMD recommends giving yourself time, talking to other close to you, taking care of yourself and returning to your hobbies to help come to terms with the loss being experienced.
